Oops. Did I do that?

Version 37.0 is old. There are bugs that were never fixed and issues that head office and upper management were too busy to address.

So Version 38.0 is right around the corner.

What did the designers learn from this past years software?

Well, I think, well hell, lets just be honest, I know, I AM the designer.

What was learned is not so much as important as what was gleaned from those days and nights of bugs, and glitches and Blue screens of death, and the ever annoying colour wheels of doom.

The nuggets.

The bits.

The designer has come up with a new and more advanced new software model, and the joy of it, is that it will be concurrent in nature. The GENIUS, is that it will actually end up looking way more like Version 39.0.

So.

A few points of interest;

- faster upload speeds

- fewer missed day due to operational downtime.

- vastly enhanced client usability

- a cleaner and more elegant framework design

- humility

- humble pie

- fear and loathing 300 miles from Las Vegas

- love

- understanding

- forgiveness for the designers failures in past models.

Ya, I feel like a fucking robot, a computer. Software. Perfect and dead cold execution of flawed programming and shitty hardware.

Fuck Version 38.0

It's just version 37.0 with a newer and cooler looking box. Same as all the other tired old software I encounter everyday.

I can't wait until I trade myself in for a fucking typwriter.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Honestly, it is.

And tomorrow, and the day after, all automatically the first day of the rest of your life.

New starts?

Probably not.

Just another first day, hurtling towards nothing more than other first days.

I guess I sound a bit cynical, but I reall yonly worry about one day..... thats the last day of the rest of my life, which, brings me to my topic.

Should I get an H1N1 Vaccination shot?

When it all becomes simple.

I remember what it was like when I was alone in my own time.

I was sitting once, in a state of complete quiet, I forget where it was, but it may well have been driving in my car when I was about 25 years old, and I had the most amazing clarity of thought.

I saw it all. For an instant then for an eternity. My life, the one I choose, the one reality I have grown to understand.

When it all becomes so scrambled, and so damned crazy that the world has become white noise and your insignificance is truly realized, it happens. You become empowered.

Only for a glimpse though, whether it was understood or not. Only for a moment have I know true happiness, have I known what it was like to understand it all. Life. Meaning. And the horrid cliché that is the combination of both former and latter.

Tiny circles become larger in my eye, and they extrapolate into the significance of that which to me, is insignificant. My world, a cold void of cruelty, becomes beautiful, as if it were a winter field made warm in spring.

My world became all at once beautiful and horrific the day I learned what I believe is the true meaning of life.

Pandora's Box.

When I was a little kid, and up through my youth, I was quiet, yet always the kid that would push it just a bit too far. it got me in trouble yet mad being young livable.

Sometimes when you're clever, you know just what to say, just what to do to find the perfect type of response. Unfortuntely I was addicted to getting the wrong responses, they were way more fun.

Time caught up to me through my 20's and I lost that.

I became a grown up. And responsible.

I became bleached out and I became safe.

One of the think i love about living is that everyday presents a second chance at starting over.

So, one day that chance walked by me and I almost missed it out safe behavior.

Something in me snapped.

The next day, although i had no idea at the time, i stumbled upon an old and dusty box that was mermerizing to the point I simply couldn't let it alone.

I opened the Box.

And out of it came the most beautiful mistake I have made to date.

I decided to pust it.

It scared the shit out of me.

I decided to make it my own.

Now, having opened Pandora's box she is with my thoughts daily.

It has been the best decision I have made in years.

Watch your little ones my friends.

Our children don't know doubt, or fear, they only know what they want.

So they take it, and rarely feel guilt.

I became a child in October.

Although i may hold tight to a healthy facade of responsibility and

Grown up tedium, the child remains still.

I'm keeping him, and I will keep Pandora as long as she wishes to wreak havok upon my world.

She is a breath of life.

Sad soul

Jenny, a friend of mine tells me that having a sad soul doesn't mean that you are a perpetual downer... it just means that you have the experience and the sensitivity to stay connected to what humility and sadness feels like. it's all good. she wouldn't give mine hers for all the happiness in the world. it wouldn't mean anything to her.

It's a really Nice thought, you know?

Jenny is an artist who has made some of the nicest and coolest little Water colours i have ever seen. And she's real, hell, you can reach out and touch her.

(fella's, she's single, but good luck)

You meet people that help you in life.

You meet people who teach you new things.

You meet lovers and enemies.

And then, just sometimes, you meet a friend that can simply remind you of who you are some days.

Keep those ones, the good ones anyhow.

They are the ones that will make growing old worthwhile.

Cracker

5:21 am.

I'm rarely up this late.

Lately I have been going to bed later and later.

It's a sign in my world, and indicator, a warning light that something isn't right.

You're supposed to be excited about the day that is ahead.

All I feel is a desperation to avoid having it arrive.

It's a Nightmare on Elm Street.

It's something that makes me feel ashamed.

On the bright side I have a good grasp on what makes me fear tomorrow.

So all is not futile, and i'm certainly not worried.

I guess the irony is that my anxiousness and impatience, which has ALWASY gotten the best of me, is what keeps me delaying life.

Isn't that odd.

delaying life because it isn't happening fast enough.

Post Secret

I just read a book full of Postcards sent to this dudes Project called Postsecret.

It's online too.

You can read the secrets of literally thousands of people who send them in anonamously.

I think I sent one in once but I don't remember what it was.

So I am posting one here;

Dear Post Secret,

The secret told you a few years ago was a lie. I don't have any real secrets anymore. Except that I often tell secrets to people to make them think I care about them, or to simple make them feel special. It rarely helps me in any way, nor has it ever felt theraputic. For me, your site, for all it's good intentions, isn't worth much. Although, I do find that I begin to hate people for having to use you as a way to get healthy.


I'm gonna read tis post again in a few weeks to see if I feel any diffferent, or if I feel guilty or having just said what I said.


PostSecret